Sermon – Thorns of Expectations April 1, 2007

Big Idea:  Unrealistic expectations kill relationships. 

As we wrap up this Lenten series with Jesus’ tragic entrance into Jerusalem, I want to look at the thorns of expectations, particularly, our expectations of God.  We all have expectations all the time of ourselves, God and others.  I believe unrealistic expectations kill relationships.  And if you have unrealistic expectations of anyone from your spouse to kids to boss to friend to neighbor to pastor to God, they can kill your relationship.

Let’s think about our Mavericks.  The best team in the NBA this year and if they don’t win the championship this year and you are a fan, what will you think?  I’m never going to see them again.  They need to get rid of so and so.  Unrealistic expectations kill relationships. 

When I was a counselor, I saw it time and time again that unrealistic expectations killed relationships.  I remember one guy particularly, whose wife had borne him three children and she had gained weight as a result.  Not all women lose their weight all that easily.  For weeks he came to see me and tell me how bad she was.  And he was in ministry.  I told him over and over, that she couldn’t live up to his expectations and that he would need to grieve the loss of the perfect wife.  But he stopped coming.  That was not the answer he wanted. 

I saw it with kids as well.  Parents would expect their kids to be excellent in all subjects yet their kids never had any ability in math or science. Or their kids had memory issues that were neurological in nature yet they expected their kids to remember everything like other kids.  Or their kids had lots of energy, they might have even been diagnosed with ADHD yet the parents still thought their kids could stop moving.  Or their child was diagnosed with a learning disability, yet the parents still believed if their child just tried hard enough they could get it like the other kids. 

Needless to say, there would be constant conflict between husbands and wives and parents and kids because of unrealistic expectations. 

On February 17^th, the Smokinggun.com reported that Travis Frey, a 33-year-old Iowa man faced charges that he tried to kidnap his own wife . Frey, prosecutors contend, apparently is a rather demanding guy. In fact, he actually drew up a bizarre four-page marriage document--a "Contract of Wifely Expectations"--that sought to establish guidelines for his spouse in terms of hygiene, clothing, and sexual activities. In return for fulfilling certain requirements, Frey (pictured right) offered "Good Behavior Days," or GBDs. Each GBD, Frey wrote, could be redeemed by his wife to "get out of doing the things" he requested daily. A copy of the proposed contract, which Frey's wife never signed and later provided to cops, is on the web site.  This contract was four pages long.   I assume they have no relationship now. 

Unrealistic expectations kill relationships.

In talking with couples here at FCC who have been married over 40 years most of the spouses have told me they came to understand that their spouse was just a certain way.  “That’s just the way she or he is” they would tell me.  Good advice for all of us.  I know I have struggled at times with my wife being highly intuitive and I being research, hard evidence oriented.  Sensate the Myers Briggs Personality Test calls it.  My wife would tell me something about a situation and I would ask her where she got that from and she would tell me, it just feels that way.  FEELS that way, I would retort.  Where’s your evidence.  She really doesn’t have a lot but what her feelings tell her she trusts.  And most of the time, she is on target.  I have had to learn to accept that about her and I am still learning after 28 years. 

When our relationship has been strained, it’s because of our unrealistic expectations of each other.  She is never going to wait like I do as Sgt. Joe Friday used to say on Dragnet, “Just the facts, ma’am.”  And I am never going to simply trust a feeling unless I have some confirmation. 

You know you do the same thing.  You have unrealistic expectations of your spouse, friends, boss, Sunday school class, pastors, elders, check out person at Wal Mart.  The other day, I went to overnight mail something we needed to get to the Board of Church Extension in Indianapolis.  It was 2 in the afternoon and there was only 1 postal clerk.  I started to get angry inside and then I realized, I was at the post office, I needed to reduce my expectations.  I did and had a wonderful conversation with the one guy handling everything.  When your expectations are unrealistic, meaning that they don’t match the person’s abilities, you will become angry and/or depressed, anxious, even psychotic.

Think of two people in Scripture right now.  Jonah wanted to die because God didn’t live up to his expectations.  He thought God should not give the Ninevites a warning that he was going to judge them.  He expected God to punish them and when  God didn’t he wanted to die.  Jonah even knew that God was slow to anger, gracious, compassionate, abounding in love and that he didn’t like calamity yet Jonah still expected God to blow off his character and do what Jonah thought he should do. 

On the other hand, Joseph son of Jacob when his brothers came back and they feared Joseph would get revenge, Joseph said, “You meant it for evil but God meant it for good.  Joseph’s expectations of his brothers were appropriate.  He knew they didn’t like him but somehow God was in it all and moving. 

I can tell you this from my clinical experience, unrealistic expectations are at the root of most psychological problems.  That’s why when I did therapy, I saw most of what I did with people as grief work. I helped them to see how their expectations for people and situations were not realistic.  AA has a statement that says, “Expectations are future resentments.”  I think AA is right about that.  Unrealistic expectations kill relationships.   

And I believe that spills over into all of our relationships with our Lord and Savior.  It certainly did for the crowd in Jerusalem when Jesus entered on a donkey. Their unrealistic expectations of Jesus, the Messiah, killed their relationship with him.  Here’s why I say that. 

In Luke 19:28-40; Mt. 21:1-11; Mark 11:1-11 and John 12:12-19, we read the various accounts of Jesus entry into Jerusalem.  Some have called it triumphant.  I’m with those who call it the tragic entry of Jesus into Jerusalem.  John tells us that Jesus had recently raised Lazarus from the dead.  Matthew tells us that Jesus had recently given sight to two blind men.  Mark tells us Jesus had driven a demon out of a child.  The crowds had heard about him and started to follow him.  Maybe this was the guy.  Maybe this is the Messiah, they thought. Maybe this is the one to come and establish his kingdom so we get rid of the Romans.  Maybe. Maybe.

So Luke tells us that as Jesus continued on his way to Jerusalem, he sent two disciples to the next town on their journey to Jerusalem to get a colt for him. John tells us that it was a donkey’s colt that they got.  Jesus told them if anyone asked them why they were untying it? they were to tell him, “the Lord needs it.”  Sure enough they found the donkey’s colt and the owners asked them why they were untying it?  When the two disciples said, The Lord needs it, the owners had no problem. 

The owners of the colt had to know that the term Lord meant their master, the messiah, Jesus Christ the Lord.  Notice they had no problem giving it to Jesus us. The term Lord what does that do to you?  Do you think of Jesus as your Lord?  If you do what does that mean to you?  Does it mean that he is Lord over your possessions?  As Crown ministry tells us, “it’s all God’s anyway. We are just stewards of what is rightfully his.  The owners of this colt understood this and let go of their possessions for the Lord’s purposes.  Have you and I let go of our possessions and surrendered them to the King of Kings. 

The two disciples brought the colt back to Jesus and they threw their cloaks on it so Jesus could ride on it.  As he rode along, people started to lay down their cloaks on the road.  Luke doesn’t mention palms but John does.  It seems that Luke didn’t want anyone to mistake Jesus as a political Messiah.  Palms and spreading cloaks ahead of whomever were signs of a victorious military ruler processing before the people.  Jesus wasn’t that.  But the people seemed confused.  Even the disciples seem confused to me and John tells us that the disciples didn’t understand what this was all about until after he was raised from the dead that these things had been written about him.  What things?  Things like  Zechariah 9:9 that said, Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion!  Shout, daughter of Jerusalem!  See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of the donkey.”

By spreading the cloaks on the ground and waving palm branches the crowds seem to be saying he is a conquering king but not yet crowned. 

The people of Israel were looking for the Messiah but they expected him to be a military ruler and overthrow the Roman government.  There is no specific statement that says that in Scripture but I believe it can be deduced from the fact that the people spread their cloaks ahead of him and waved palm branches. 

In 163 B.C. Judas Maccabees who was called the Hammer rallied a group of  Jewish men to fight the Syrians who occupied Jerusalem.  In 167 B.C. Antioches Epiphanes had offered animal sacrifices in the temple that defiled it.  This was called the abomination of desolation by the Jews.  Judas Maccabees and his army defeated the Syrians and he processed into Jerusalem on a massive stallion. The crowds waved palms and shouted, “Hosanna! Blessed in he who comes in the name of the Lord!”  Judas Macabees cleaned out the temple, burned incense, offered appropriate sacrifices and lit a huge menorah that burned for 8 days.  The Jews still celebrate Hanukkah or the Festival of Lights to remember this event.  Judas Macabees was killed a few days later but the Jews thought he was the long awaited Messiah. 

Now, almost 200 years later, Jesus Christ enters Jerusalem but not on a stallion.  He enters on a colt, the foal of a donkey.  Roman officials used donkeys for civil not military processions.  Donkeys I always indicated a humble and peaceful king.  This is not what the Jews expected or wanted and believe even his disciples were confused at the time.  Later when Jesus is arrested, the authorities come with clubs and swords and knives and Jesus asks them if they think he is leading a rebellion, he was not. 

A revolutionary leads a rebellion.  Jesus was a redeemer not a revolutionary.  Revolutionaries kill people for their cause.  Redeemers are willing to die because of others.  Nobody really got that.  Jesus didn’t meet everyone’s expectations.  Turns out their expectations of him were unrealistic.  They were praising him because of the miracles they had witnessed and so they thought he might be the one. 

Luke tells us in 19:37, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen.  “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord!  Peace in heaven and glory in the highest.” Matthew, Mark and John add Hosanna – Save or Save now.  I believe they expected him to save them from the Rule of Rome.    But was he really their king?  Is he really our king? 

Unrealistic expectations kill relationships.

Say with me.   Unrealistic expectations kill relationships.

We might praise him when he’s working miracles in our lives. When we get that job or we lose weight or things get better with our kids or spouse but what happens when you don’t see that miracle working God any more.  Is he really our King?  Do we let go of our praise for him no matter what is going on in our lives?  Do we praise him for the fact that we have a spouse and kids and jobs or do we believe he should be blessing us more than he is?  If he is our King, then we will praise him no matter what?  Will you let go of your praise this morning and truly focus on him as Shannon told us last week and thank him for who he is not what he has done. Thank him and praise him that he is slow to anger, gracious, compassionate, and doesn’t want harm to come your way.  Thank him that he is the giver of every good gift that you have.  If He is truly your king, you don’t simply praise him and worship him at your convenience.  He isn’t 15^th on your list of 14 things to do on the weekends.  We were created to worship for all eternity but for some worshipping him comes last compared to worshipping our selves on Sunday morning.  When He is truly not our king, our Lord, we, believers, worship ourselves.  When we do that coming to worship is on my menu for the day but it is one of 15 things that might benefit me and in this consumer culture, we tend to think about what benefits me the most at any given time.  So if going to church doesn’t feel like it’s what I need today, I won’t go to church.  After all, I have to take care of myself.  Beloved, there is nothing you can do better for yourself than coming to worship.  Even if the music stinks, the sermon is too long, God tells us to not forsake the assembling of ourselves together.  We need each other. 

Sure you can blow off worship.  Going to church doesn’t get you into heaven but you won’t have the deep relationship God wants to have with you and you with him, if you don’t go to worship. 

The Pharisees said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”  Jesus replied, “If they keep quiet the stones will cry out” Let’s do better than the stones.  Let go of your praise and worship and truly make him your king  Praise him even though he has let you down.  Maybe your high expectations of him have killed your relationship with him. 

It did with those Jews in Jerusalem.  They expected him to overthrow the Roman government and he didn’t.  In fact, a little later after his entry, he tells them to render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and to God the things that our God’s. 

You see the Jews and the disciples didn’t really know Jesus.  They didn’t really know his word.  Had they been reading Isaiah 50, they would have understood that the Messiah would be a suffering servant.  That he would offer his back to those who beat him.  That he wouldn’t retaliate when they plucked out his beard.  That he wouldn’t hide his face from mocking and spitting.  He, Jesus, the suffering servant knew that he had a mission to accomplish.  He wasn’t a revolutionary; he was a redeemer and a redeemer gives up his life because of others.  He didn’t let anybody’s expectations affect him.  He knew that the Sovereign Lord would help him get through it and that the Sovereign Lord would vindicate him with His resurrection.    

Neither the crowds nor the disciples had realistic expectations of Jesus.  Their unrealistic expectations killed their relationship with him.  They wanted him to inaugurate his kingdom their way with military might and power.  Why do you come to take me with clubs and swords?  Am I leading a rebellion, Jesus asked.  No he wasn’t.  

If we were going to set up our kingdom, to die an ignominious death would not be the way to start it.  What was God thinking?  If Jesus is your king, then you will accept the way he initiates His kingdom in your life.  You won’t understand things but like Joseph who was sold into slavery by his brothers, you will always say, “You meant it for evil but God meant it for good.”  Let go of your unrealistic expectations and change your perspective this morning as to how God should do his job and accomplish his plan with you. 

If Jesus is your king, then you will reduce your expectations of God and let him be God.  You will let go of your possessions because they are his, your praise and worship and stop worshipping your needs and your perspective as to how God should carry out his plan for your life. 

Unrealistic expectations kill relationships.  Why have I asserted this so much this morning?  After all, isn’t his entrance a triumphant one.  No, it’s a tragic one. Jesus wept over Jerusalem when he entered the city. And remember by Friday of that week, they no longer hailed him, they nailed him.  By Friday, they didn’t crown him, they crucified him.  By Friday, they weren’t shouting, “give us blessing,” they were shouting, Give us, Barabbas.” By Friday, they weren’t shouting Hosanna – Save now. They were shouting, Slay, now.  No, it wasn’t a triumphal entry, it was a tearful entry.  Unrealistic expectations kill relationships.    

Are you willing to follow the one who instituted his kingdom in a way none of us would have expected?  Are you willing to drop your expectations of God and by faith trust that his ways are higher than your ways?  Are you willing this morning to trust that his way is best for you and every one else?  Lay down your demands that God be and do things the way you think he should and stop killing your relationship with him because Unrealistic Expectations Kill Relationships. 

And all God’s people said, Amen. 

Ours will, too if we don’t let go of  our possessions (the colt), let go of our praise and worship and let go of our perspective about how he should manifest his kingdom in our lives.  Will we take up the cross and follow him even if it means sacrificing our lives for him as he did for us?  Will you truly make him your king this year so that you don’t simply say he is, but you submit your possessions, praise and perspective to him

Rev. Bruce R. Grentz, Senior Pastor